Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Christmas Week and 11 Days Post-op

I am about 11 days out and finally starting to feel “normal” again. The last two weeks have been kind of uneasy and strange for me. I guess it is my mind and body reacting to life with the band. I had a major meltdown one night last week with my husband…big crying spell. I think it may have actually done me some good to release it and get it out. I was crying for lots of reasons. I cried about being banded and told him I regretted it and was sorry I did it. That I hated my life and missed my best friend “food”. Are you all rolling your eyes right now and saying, WOW what a baby and a “drama-queen”? But hey, that is how I was feeling. I was also crying for my Dad, because he is ill and I see him changing day by day. I know there will be more of the emotional stuff to come, so I am going to try and prepare for it by making sure I go to the support group meetings and keep up with everyone’s blogs. My husband made me feel better and said “hey if it doesn’t work, you can have it taken out”. Not that it is an option or even a thought in my head right now, because I haven’t really even started with this journey. But just knowing I have that option makes me feel a bit better. Choices right? Since then, my mood and spirits have been getting better, Thank God! Even I didn’t want to be with me!

So I am still eating pureed mushies and really getting tired of it! My diet mostly consists of cottage cheese, crushed lentil soup, ricotta with marinara, cream of wheat, Greek yogurt. I also roasted some eggplant, onion, and marinara and then pureed it and that was really good. I’m still supplementing with protein shakes too. BORING!! And the worse part is I AM  GETTING REALLY HUNGRY ABOUT EVERY 2 HOURS! Who has the time to eat every two hours??? Is this is what is meant by Bandster Hell? It should be called Banster pain in the ass.

I have been working at my day job every day since last Tuesday for a few hours a day but tonight I go back to my part time job at Saks and I am really excited. I have been there part time since 1991, so I cannot imagine not being there during the holidays. I am really looking forward to it. I don’t make much money, but it is worth it for the discount and I love the people I work with.

I hope everyone has a great Christmas this year and I also hope we all have a very healthy, prosperous 2010 with great weight loss results for all of us!


  1. Hang In there! This a very stressful time of year (and the begining is harf) and a lot of LOVED eating while stressed so I can totally understand. Xmas eve I will be 4 months post op and I would do it all over again in a minute!

  2. Linda, I am sorry you having a rough time! However, I think the question of "what have I done" slips into many people's minds. I am just about to have my first fill and it is kicking in big time. I have had many a thoughts over the last couple weeks of having "one last" this or "one last" that (before the fill makes it impossible).

    But come on we have been on a very strict preop and postop diet, who wouldn't feel deprived!! Good news is that it won't last much longer and we can start having things that resemble real meals - just smaller :) I notice that most people who hit that stage don't see to have as many of those moments of regret.

    I don't know if it fits your doctor's idea of mushies, but one thing that helps me is things like tuna salad, chicken salad or egg salad on whole grain crackers. (Since crackers melt in your month my dr considers it a mushie.) I just cut everything else really small (and crush it) or even run it through the mini-chopper so that the meat is not a problem. Another thing that I like is things like sweet potatoes or squash. They are complex carbs and by nature are mushie. I personally am sick of mashed potatoes, pudding and applesauce!!

    I hope everything goes well tonight at Saks. And just think how much fun your discount will be when you start shopping for smaller sizes :)

  3. oh yes, this is just the beginning of bandster hell. But you will come out on the other side. We all do! It's okay to be an emotional wreck for no reason (although your dad is certainly a valid reason). Last night I crawled into bed and went to put my hand on tracey's stomach. He was already asleep and my hand was a little cold and it scared him and he pushed my hand away. And I started bawling. Oh man...we women are a mess some time!

  4. I agree with the others. We as women are just more emotional to begin with, then add to it our self imposed "new forever diet/life change" & we sometimes begin to feel like we can't do this, because we miss the food, etc.

    But remember, once you get past the post op period where you can start on normal food again, it will get better!!

    For me, bandster hell is right now! I am on normal foods, but haven't had my first fill yet to provide restriction so if I lose any weight, it is through sheer will power & dieting! Which is why some weeks I lose & some I either stay the same or gain a bit back. But ultimately, the scale is going down & that is a good thing. Would I do the Surgery again? Yes, in a heartbeat!!

    Hope you have a great Christmas!!

  5. Linda, I think what you are feeling is totally normal. When we have been in love with food for so long is normal to grieve the loss of it when we dont have the same way any more. I hear ya about being bored with eating the same thing over and over. When I was in the liquids stage, I actually licked all the flavor off of crackers and spit them out because I was so desperate for flavor!! It wont be too much longer now, and you will be able to add more food and be able to stay full longer. It will help after you are able to get a fill too, cause food wont be on your mind quite so much anymore. I bet it must be double hard on you being in this phase during the holidays too! Hang in there! You are doing great!! I hope your dad is better soon.